Itchy Remorse

Doomlazer v3

2007-01-10T22:19:00.000-06:00

The third age of doomlazer has begun. http://doomlazer.com/

Change delayed, new blog possible.

2007-01-08T22:11:00.000-06:00

Lockdown postponed until further changes can be made. The blog is too large for conversion to the new blogger service and the switch is going to be delayed. More news as it develops.

Lockdown motherfuckers! Back in your cages.

2007-01-07T13:01:00.000-06:00

This blog is locked down until the transition to the domain is completed. You'll all still be using the older blogger interface but the address for viewing the blog will change.

http://blog.doomlazer.com/ will be the new address when the transition is completed. Thank you for your patience.

When I have nothing to say....

2007-01-06T15:05:00.000-06:00

I don't say anything. I'm not going to try and find something interesting about my life, dress it up to make it more interesting than it really was, then make/find an appropriate picture. Too much effort for too little yield. Or if you prefer, a miniscule supply and a nonexistent demand.

If you call me, likely an Aligator will answer

2007-01-06T10:58:00.000-06:00

Last night I got a little 'a plumb crazy.' After flushing the turlet, I went to make a drunk phone call to everybody's favorite star of the circle-jerk, Brandon. As the flush was in motion, I flipped it open right into what for many of us on New Years' Eve was a porcelain goddess. The toilet, a Kohler, swallowed it whole. My first instinct was to call Andy to ask, hypothetically, what someone should do if they wind up flushing their phone. Reaching into the cold, cold water, I felt the phone, but I only managed to call Doomlazer, and it cost me $40 because Doomlazer is going to the dot net.

Really though, I flushed my phone. It's gone and along with it, so are all of my phone numbers. The only thing that didn't drown with my LG was, "Hey, you reached Chad's cell phone. Leave your name and number and I'll get back to you. Bye."

Get back to me with your numbers.

You are not prepared...

2007-01-05T07:29:00.000-06:00

Seven days....

I hope nobody rips off my post by changing the title to be about motherfucking roosters and changing their post time to be earlier than mine

2007-01-05T01:16:00.000-06:00

I'm going to buy a car, come spring. Its a big deal for me. I want a new, store-bought car.

Now, the Malibou is serving me well, but I feel that it is becoming quickly a glaring contradiction to what I often preach as a core value of what I believe and strive for...child pornography!

At first, I was attracted to the complete opposite; the sub-compact. Specifically the Hyundai Accent. That was until I learned that it performed terribly to average in safety ratings. I'm not going to attempt to try to guess and assume that I can fool anyone.... I am a terrible driver. Even though, I span several vehicles and put on well over 90,000 miles between them, I often find myself looking at what people have in their yards, what livestock I can see, various wildlife, etc, &c.

Let me explain what I want in perhaps the crudest terms I can possibly imagine - I want a car that is SO feminine that it will turn women into lesbians, make straight men drool, and turn me gay in the process. I want that damned grocery-getter. I want to put her in her place(which would normally be in front of the stove, but this is a car we're talking about - fucking pay attention already!)

In closing, nobody in their right mind will grant me credit(my fucking phone has a spending limit) and I'll still be getting 12 MPG on my birthday.

Scheesh...

And I don't fucking want 1 of these...

I Wanna Play Devil's Advocate Here

2007-01-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

Brandon Sucks! That's right, fuck him being back. What's he ever done for any of us? Nothing!

I wouldn't care if he never invites Bill or me to swim in his septic tank again.

I can't wait for SIUC classes to resume.

Times Square only had 1 ball

2007-01-01T22:01:00.000-06:00

Last night Justin's house has hundreds. All of us got with the fuckers, but my major ball induced pain comes from sleeping on top of about 20 of them. My chest hurts. I feel like I have a collapsed nostril from getting hit in the face. I won't be able to wear short sleeves because my arms are al bruised up. God I love new years.

Best idea ever, Bill.

Merry X-mas of Fire

2006-12-24T16:27:00.000-06:00

written by: Justin Nitti, Jason Krpan, and Brandon Gilmore
to the tune of "Nights of Fire"

Welcome to the Christmas show
Welcome to the jolly jingle night

Come on lady mistletoe
Come on lady Santa Jesus fight

Not a reindeer, not an elfy stranger
Snow man - Snow man - can't go indoors, he's frozen
Check the list now, Check it if you know how
Fly to me, right down the chimney

Christ expires, make dreidel out of clay
And dreidel I will play, what the fuck is Kwanza?
Christ expires, some gifts for you and me
And at the Christmas tree top there goes a star here

Christ expires, make dreidel out of clay
And dreidel I will play, what the fuck is Kwanza?
Christ expires, all gifts belong to me
Under the Christmas tree and you’ll see that Christ expires

You’ll see that Christ expires

Crazy Santa overlord
Seizure caused by all the blinking lights

Come on baby carrot nose
Come on baby fill my stockings tight

Not a reindeer, not an elfy stranger
Snow man - Snow man - can't go indoors, he's frozen
Check the list now, Check it if you know how
Fly to me, right down the chimney

Christ expires, make dreidel out of clay
And dreidel I will play, what the fuck is Kwanza?
Christ expires, some gifts for you and me
And at the Christmas tree top there goes a star here

Christ expires, make dreidel out of clay
And dreidel I will play, what the fuck is Kwanza?
Christ expires, all gifts belong to me
Under the Christmas tree and you’ll see that Christ expires

You’ll see that Christ expires

Make dreidel out of clay
What the fuck is Kwanza?
Some gifts for you and me
There goes a star here

Christ expires
And dreidel I will play

Christ expires
Under the Christmas tree
You’ll see that Christ expires

Welcome to the Christmas show
Welcome to the jolly jingle night

Come on lady mistletoe
Come on lady Santa Jesus fight

Not a reindeer, not an elfy stranger
Snow man - Snow man - can't go indoors, he's frozen
Check the list now, Check it if you know how
Fly to me, right down the chimney
You’ll see that Christ expires
Christ expires (repeat and fade out)

Yours is the problem

2006-12-24T05:14:00.000-06:00

Friday was probably the most tetris-laden day I've ever had. After receiving my cd with korobeiniki on it, I went to work and moved to the tune of it for 8 hours. Then, after work, I played tetris with my buddy Bryan for two hours, while watching this documentary on tetris that we found. It was awesome.
Still haven't made the tetris block hat yet though......

a good thing...

2006-12-19T18:49:00.000-06:00

what is this good thing you ask? brandon being back... yay!

B Doug and J Hewk at souther fo rizzle!

2006-12-16T20:09:00.000-06:00

This is a post to notify everyone that we're visiting brandon and there's karaoke on the webcam. Much love, pour a little out for your homies down below.

PEACE.

Коробе́йники

2006-12-15T07:48:00.000-06:00

After almost a year of wondering and looking, I found it! The catalyst behind my search for Russian folk music! The tetris theme!

I had already found Troika, and Kalinka, the other two tetris songs I had remembered. But this one eluded me, until now! Hooray!

This makes me want to head down to Nickle City right now and play their tetris game. They will dance for me.......

Kalinka is a song celebrating the beauty of the snowball tree

PS: I apologize for the excessive Russophilia of the past two posts. But I'm just too excited that I found this song to hold back.

Point of view

2006-12-14T02:48:00.000-06:00

Random picture of the Kremlin, since this post started off with Russia

I have nearly finished a book on Russian history I obtained from a thrift store. The book is quite old, written when the Soviet Union was still strong. My theory is that it contains a point of view that is not entirely objective. To test this theory I hope to obtain a modern work on the subject and read it.

Who knows? Maybe now that communism in Russia has ended historians no longer look at Russia as a mass of peasants ruled by a succession of cruel autocrats. It's not entirely unreasonable to assume that a book written about Russia would be a little more harsh in its criticism when they had massive amounts of nuclear weapons intended for use against the writers, and vice versa. Or maybe not. Enough of the material in this old book came from Russian sources that maybe that's how they truly view themselves and their history.

The truth doesn't change. But perspectives can gloss over the truth and make it seem different with each retelling. This book has really gotten me thinking about history. How much of it has "changed" as we re-examine the same facts and draw different conclusions about them? How much of what I "know" about history is really just the point of view of particular writers?

Historical fact: I went to work yesterday. The store was short $80, as I may have made a mistake with a drawer.
Fact with point of view: The shortage yesterday at Piggly Wiggly was likely the result of incompetence and mismanagement under Ryan, the office clerk for the day.

Is there such a thing as a truly objective history? Abraham Lincoln has gone from the greatest American who ever lived to possibly being gay(this does not make him less awesome in my eyes but to some it would), and actually not in favor of abolition according to some biographers. It seems like most historical figures get "worse" as more historians and biographers search for dirt on them. Are we becoming more cynical about our own history?

That's enough questions for one post. Maybe some of you have thoughts on this, or further examples of revisionist history and the power of perspective.

10 Grams of Itchy is .3527 Ounces of Remorse

2006-12-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

If I get this new job in a sugar factory, or what I already call Candy Mountain, then I will have to learn and use the metric system. Currently I am in a very exclusive club, being a member of 1 of only 4 countries that do not use the metric system. The others that don't are Liberia, Myanma and Thailand. I'm not surprised that Liberia doesn't since it was recognized, albeit not officially, as an American colony. And I understand Thailand since it was never colonized and so didn't have to stay in-step with Europe. But Myanmar!?! The country spent some mucho skrilla when it went through the hassel of changing it's name from Burma. Might as well have switched to metric while ordering new signs from the printers. So 4 countries still have some local flavor. However, in nearly all countries people still use traditional units sometimes, at least in colloquial expressions.

Anyway, if I land the new job I'll be able to, within a few months after starting work, extract sugar out of anything from human hair, shrimp shells, or Mountain Dew. These weird extractions remind me of the Germans in WWI somehow extrating nitrogen out of the air because their South American dealer was cut off, or the Germans in WWII running Rommel's tanks that drove deep into Egypt on charcoal because their Middle Eastern dealer was cut off. I guess what I'm getting at is that everything has an alternate source...except love.

Stupid internet trends

2006-12-11T16:25:00.000-06:00

Some of you have undoubtedly read about an energy drink called Cocaine. Since it's not available at local retailers yet I purchased a six pack from an amazon seller and recieved it today. I have four cans left and I'd like to share with the doomlazer community. I'm proposing that after distribution everyone who tries it be required to post a review in haiku form. For extra credit you can post a second haiku about what other internet idiocy you're participating in while drinking it.

Eritrea's coat of arms.....

2006-12-10T02:01:00.000-06:00

....Makes me want to light up. All that's missing is the pyramid in the background. Actually, this looks like something I made using the seal generator. C'mon, Eritrea, even Djibouti has a better coat of arms.

A flask of scotch and a cardboard box

2006-12-09T01:40:00.000-06:00

It's always good to rediscover childhood joys as an adult. Tonight's sledding trip was just such an occasion. I brought only myself and Johnnie Walker. I found a cardboard box for a sled and did it the old-fashioned way. I got to reconnect with some co-workers I hadn't seen in a while. I would have pictures, but I thought it unwise to bring my camera with me, and from the damage I sustained I'd say I was right not to. I may be sore tomorrow, but I don't have to work so it's all good. Miraculously, my hip chose not to give me any grief even under stress. That was encouraging, as I was able to stay out for two full hours and have a great time.
Sometimes, it seems so easy to have fun that I wonder why I don't more often. Sledding-oke next week anyone? I'll bring the boxes and the booze.

Unconcilliation Post: 701

2006-12-06T16:47:00.000-06:00

Sincerely,
Photoke Jerk

Reconciliation: Post 700

2006-12-05T13:31:00.000-06:00

#43 saw the error of his ways. As such, it was no longer my business as #42 to hold it against him.
Sometimes, it doesn't feel good to be right. The important thing, though, is that I have a place to spend New Year's again.

Thoughts too heavy for superman too lift

2006-12-04T20:58:00.000-06:00

I have known you all for many years:

cp - 8
Andy! - 11
anzarokku+10 - 8
Hangley Joe - 11
Kurchael - 7
Kaicho - 9
steven black - 10
Hewk - 8
el matchgame-o - 11
emptyset - 8
Old Hickory - 7

Recently I've been forced to take a closer look at all these years. Do all these years really mean anything? How well do I really know my friends of a decade or more? What happens when you have to choose between your own desires and these many years of friendship?
The past is a great weight. You can carry it and it will be easier in the short run, hard in the long run. Or you can lift it off of yourself and be free, but it takes strength to do it.
What would you choose?
Help me out here because I'm not very good at making the right choices....

How to throw scissors

2006-12-02T16:36:00.000-06:00

I got beat so hard when I taught myself how to do this...dad was so pissed at all the holes in the wall :P

A Winter Holiday Season Miracle

2006-12-02T08:05:00.000-06:00

On the birthday for the guy who Andy recently found in his cellphone (no, not DMX), the Frenchman's mother, a Jew, will arrive in Chicago. If I take her to the Pita Inn, then all 3 major monotheistic religions will be represented. But I won't. I'm no ambassador to God.

A couple of you have met Catherine before and I posted her picture on Itchy Remorse about 4 months ago. She'll only be here for 5 days so make your reservations now. The 25th and the 28th are all filled up. I have 2 open spots for the 26th.

If I knew better French and if she knew better English, her and I wouldn't get along so well. I'm counting these 12 days of the Winter holiday season, waiting for when I pick her up at O'Hare. The Frenchman hates me for liking his mother so much.

This is a picture a some Frenchies protesting a change in labor laws, but it could double as "Jacques waits for a PS3."

Okephobia/Snow Story

2006-11-30T23:01:00.000-06:00

First off, I suffer from two phobias:

Isolophobia- fear of being alone
Acrophobia- fear of heights

Look up your phobia(s) and post them too!

Secondly, today there is a prediction of a big snowstorm. This is nothing new, although judging by peoples' behavior you would think it is. What was funny about it was how the predicted amount grew with each successive report. I had a total of five customers mention the predicted snow amount. Here's how it went down

6-10 inches
12 inches
14 inches
15 inches
16 inches

So with each successive customer it gained an inch or so. It should be told that after customer 3 I pointed this fact out to each customer who mentioned it. When I returned home Andy said the radio said 6-16. I guess they were all right, sort of. I hate them.

An injury to all....

2006-11-28T23:11:00.000-06:00

From the contract between the UFCW local 1444 and Piggly Wiggly:

No employee shall be made to work past 5pm on Christmas Eve, or 6pm on New Years
Eve, except as is necessary to clear the customers from the store at closing.

In contrast, this note posted on the time clock:

Our new holiday hours of operation are

Christmas Eve
6am-6pm
New Years Eve 6am-8pm
New Years Day 8am-7pm

If anyone wishes to volunteer for the extra couple hours of operation, sign
up here.

The company has some balls asking the employees to give up their contractual rights and "volunteer" for "a couple extra hours." They were probably banking on people not having read that portion of the contract. By the end of this week everyone I see at work will have read that portion of the contract.
What the bosses don't know is that come the 24th of December, that store is closing at 5 no matter what they say.....

The tables have turned.

2006-11-26T23:18:00.000-06:00

My cat no longer wishes to sleep in my bed. The other cat infiltrated my defenses and managed to spray her bed and the back wall of my room and she's camping out in the bathroom as a result. She's not sleeping in the litter box anymore, but she's still sleeping on a rug nearby. The wall has been washed, all the linen laundered but still she refuses. This is the most ridiculous purchase I have ever made. It's a shameless attempt to lull her back into my room. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw it, and I hope it brings amusement to all of you.

THE D

2006-11-25T02:34:00.000-06:00

Bill and I went to the Tenacious D concert tonight and got our socks rocked completely off! If you guys haven't seen the movie yet I suggest you do, it's HI-larious. Happy Late Holidays!!!!

here it is...

2006-11-25T02:13:00.000-06:00

Steamtrain Caught the Westbound

2006-11-24T23:38:00.000-06:00

Farewell, Grand Patriarch of Hobos

happy thanksgiving...

2006-11-23T13:46:00.000-06:00

and i got a new tattoo yesterday. and i love it. and it felt so good. and i am hoping to get another,slightly more involved one in a couple of weeks. i will post pictures soon, when i get my camera back up and running.

We count all our blessings, and wonder what we're doing here

2006-11-23T06:30:00.000-06:00

What am I thankful for

Russia(in general)
The Internet

Actually, there isn't much more than that right now. I would have pictures I took to post but Server 2003 doesn't like cameras(or DVD burners, I'm going to have to switch OSes so I can do the things I like to do.) Oh, and honorable mention goes to Heather. She's not Russia or The Internet, but she will be bringing me some thanksgiving dinner(no standing in line for me!) while I toil away after waking up before dawn.

The girl in my dreams tries to look like you

2006-11-20T19:19:00.000-06:00

Current Mood: Relaxed
Current Music: Artie Shaw, Duke Ellington
Currently Reading: The Inspector General by Nikolai Gogol
Currently Drinking: Rockstar Juiced Guava Flavor

I feel pretty good about life right at this moment. I'm enjoying russian literature and american big band, exotic guava supplemented by a turkish and domestic blend.

Wii came, Wii saw, Wii made a terrible pun.

2006-11-19T21:56:00.000-06:00

So a couple of a friends (Chris, and Joe) and myself decided it would be a fantastic idea to camp out for a Wii on the 18th, as we felt Nintendo deserved no less than our utter dedication. Allow me to describe this in a timeline format as it will be a lot easier, and I'm too lazy to write a concise and intelligent piece.

11/18 5:25pm - We decide to go to the wal-mart in antioch, as we heard they had a midnight release.

5:45pm - Arrive at wal-mart, line completely full. We start calling Best Buy's in the area and find out that the one in Vernon Hills has the least amount of people. Joe wants to purchase a lawn chair on display in the sporting goods section for something to sit on during the long wait. There are no more chairs in stock except for the "mushroom" variety. Worthless.

7:00pm - Arrive at Best Buy in Vernon Hills, only TWO people in line and we became numbers 3/4/5.

7:35pm - Some guy in a porsche pulls up to the five of us and hands everyone some left over olive garden, as his wife does not want the garlic smell in the car. We truly felt like vagrants... and ate the breadsticks... not the spaghetti though!

7:45pm - Joe heads to T.J. Max in hopes of finding suitable gloves and hats for the three of us. He came back 10 minutes later with the spoils, claiming that he would never set foot in that store again.

8:00pm - A middle-aged and EXTREMELY annoying man comes into being as number 6. He insists on making a list of everyone in the queue and talks loud while making tasteless, asinine jokes.

8:30pm - Various others arrive throughout the night, though I will consider them insignificant in this timeline.

10:00pm - Paul and Erick (first two in the line) offer us admittance into their tent. These two guys are the heroes of the world. For the next 6 hours there was a down pour of freezing rain that we were able to avoid. It was still cold as fuck, but I could only imagine what the others in the line felt.

10:30pm+ - We had a picto-chat party (tm) with our DSes featuring many a genetalia whilst playing mario kart DS. Wonderful. The rest of the night was spent uncomfortably cramped in the tent with our minds being tormented by the oh so unfunny comments coming from outside. Aggravating, but strangely intriguing.

11/19 5:00am - I awake to the sound of excited murmurs. We decide to finally get up and wait for 9am sans unconsciousness (except for Paul, who will remain asleep until 7:30am).

7:00am - By this time we are all delerious, not necessarily from the lack of sleep, discomfort, or cold... but just the sheer experience.

7:30am - We wake up Paul (oh mighty giver of the tent) and he forgot where he was. One of his gloves linings were out of wack so I had to fix it. Phew, crisis averted.

8:00am - Best Buy manager comes out and gives us the whole ticket spiel while we wait in agonizing anticipation. Shortly after he begins SLOWLY handing out the tickets, YARGH.

8:55am - The doors open. We go in and grab our loot, receiving the Wii at the service counter. Joe grabs 3 nunchuck and Wiimotes, 2 classic controllers, and about 4 games. Insanity. Paul couldn't decide between an extra game or the warranty... so he decides for the warranty and Chris spots him for the extra game out of complete gratefulness.

9:03am - I'm the first to walk out with the Wii, people cheer, I just kind of shrug and give a thumbs up as I head for the oh so needed comfort of my VW. I head home and sleep for 20+ hours with some eating at an undeterminable time.

And thats it!!! Was it worth it? Fuckin' A right it was! Sure, the launch games aren't all that great (Red Steel is HORRIBLE)... but Zelda deserves an adventure as such. I feel so far above those who just came to target an hour before open, or people who got to wait inside wal-mart for the midnight release. I love it. Here's some crappy pics, FTW:

A cryptic message only one person will understand, if any

2006-11-19T11:52:00.000-06:00

This is a message for number 43 from number 42: I hope you aren't too shocked when number 44 comes along.

No Mas Trabajo

2006-11-15T12:58:00.000-06:00

I'll be quitting my job on November 28. Coincindently enough, that's my birthday. I picked that date because it's the soonest I can quit and still be paid holiday pay for the 2 days we get off for Thanksgiving (the law states that in order to get paid for a holiday, the worker must work the day before and after the holiday).

I'm really going to miss the dynamics I have with Jesus Conde. Everday he offers me a deal so that he can fuck my asshole. Usually what's on the table is my car for 3 months of him fucking me. "You givme you car I fuck you 3 months," he offers. I've brought up some sticking points with him and some coworkers. I don't wanna get screwed on thisn deal.

Would I have to give him my car before the fucking starts or after? Maybe Jesus and I can car pool during those three months. I'm just saying, if Jesus needs a car, I'm willing to help out.

This is Manny. He speaks good English.

Backdated Hunting Post

2006-11-14T14:46:00.000-06:00

I'm back from hunting. I guess I shot more than my fair share last year because I didn't see a single thing this year. Maybe next year will be more eventful. I didn't take any photos of the butchering or gutting so I don't really have to hide this post anymore. My uncle let me tag a buck he shot so I do have taco meat. That is all.

Like Owner, Like Dog

2006-11-13T18:21:00.000-06:00

As much as I wanted to I did not put this on the dog's head. He is crazy about the cheeseballs and went all out on an opportunity to eat the dust. His catching cheeseballs is also superior to his "staying" and "coming" abilities. I wish you all were here to eat some cheeseballs too. *sigh*

Happy Rainbow Suicide ^__^

2006-11-13T15:53:00.000-06:00

A few days ago I was watching TV not really doing anything when my roommate yells down at me to come chat with his girlfriend and her family. So I go up to his room and he's got her on a video chat so I got to see Yoko and her family. I come into the camera's view and Yoko's sister says, "Acta- mitai ne." Which means doesn't he look like an actor. Come to find out Yoko's sister works for a big television studio in Tokyo called NHK. As most of you may know I have to do an internship in Japan in order to graduate, and as it is right now Yoko's sister is trying to see if I can do the internship with her company. She's also seeing if they would like to tape my experience and make it into a show possibly. These are all really big maybes so I'm not going to hold my breath on it. I am keeping my fingers crossed though.

Tadaima

2006-11-11T18:35:00.000-06:00

I'm coming home next sunday. I'll be home the 19th to the 24th.

Lets get shit faced sometime (or all the time) while I'm back. Looking forward to seeing you all ^___^

I miss you all

2006-11-11T15:18:00.000-06:00

So, as a way of saying "I MISS YOU" , I present to you this link of fun and enjoyment in our own special way:

Behold! http://nonk.nonk.info/pages/pool/pool.swf

Master of my domain

2006-11-11T08:08:00.000-06:00

As I post this, I'm working on getting Active Directory® to function on my computer. It was partly for school, partly because XP self-destructed, and partly for curiosity's sake that I installed Server 2003 using my free CD that came with the book. I'll probably uninstall it once I can recover my other HD's stuff(All my pictures were on the windows partition). At most, I will have one client. And that's if I can get my domain controller in working order.

If you can't beat 'em, eat 'em

2006-11-10T08:56:00.000-06:00

Twyla and I formally entered into a Cookie Eat Off Beat Off Contest today. Don't get worried, it's actually a competition, not a contest. And no, the loser will not have to eat a semen cookie. I went looking for this fight as a way to build congenial relations between my coworkers. I got the idea that a good eary step to organizing is to get people to trust one another via fiesta after a coworker loaned my a copy of Asian Fever at about midnight. I rarely talk to this person because he works a different shift and department, but nonetheless, he felt that I would like to watch Asian bever fever getting treated by the doctor.

I think I know everyone well enough to know they like cookies. I've lined up 5 judges, Iron Chef style, and got Benito to agree to be the host. All I need is a cookie recipe that can beat a mother of 3. Since the judges are all grown men, I have no qualms with using one from my favorite single, childless chef, Alton Brown. At lest, I think he never cooked a bun in someone else's oven. But if anyone can get me some cookie cooking tips or recipes, lay 'em on me. The Eat Off Beat Off is this Friday. The winner gets a copy of Asian Fever.

That's Geln. He's a Judge

If you don't like my ass you can shut the fuck up and watch something else.

2006-11-07T13:59:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Nikon! I love being able to hear the motors in the camera when I'm recording video.

Melting down church bells to make cannons

2006-11-07T00:29:00.000-06:00

"Man's highest joy is in victory: to conquer one's enemies, to pursue them, to deprive them of their possessions, to make their beloved weep, and to embrace their wives and daughters."

-Ghengis Khan, Leader of the Mongols who would one day conquer Russia

I've been reading a college textbook on the history of Russia. I love russia and I identify with its history so well.
They started out primitive, backwards, and un-unified. Slowly, under pressure from numerous attempts to subjugate them, the Russians unified, and began to grow powerful. In the latter half of the 20th century they grew to become a great power. But, they were always playing catch-up to the other powers, always fighting their own backwardness. Even at the height of its prestige, Russia was the 2nd best world power. Finally, the pressure to keep up was too much and the great empire disintegrated into pieces, an empire that once spanned 12 time zones. And what's worse, the fleeting greatness of their empire was bought at a terrible price. The poor, 90% of Russia's population, were worked, taxed and starved to death for it. And that doesn't include the wars. I guess that's why I love Russia's history. It's proud, yet tragic. It contains moments of awesome glory and inhuman suffering.

I fell asleep at Brandon's house last night.

2006-11-06T14:55:00.000-06:00

The Dragons Fire Burns Hot

2006-11-05T01:43:00.000-06:00

So earlier tonight me and my roommates threw a keg party and had a bunch of people over. Since my roommates are pledging to a frat they had a bunch of their pledge brothers over. One of them got so drunk that he threw up then passed out. Naturally the next course of action is to write on the mother fucker with a permanent marker. So we lift up his shirt and start drawing penis' on him. It doesn't take long before someone suggest to draw on his face but his buddy wasn't going to have any of it.

"You're not allowed to draw on his face" he said.

Fuck that, no one can come into my house and tell me what I can and can't do. "Go ahead, if you pass out everything is up for game."

Next thing I know this mother fucker is in my fucking face telling me that I am and no one else is allowed to draw on his buddy's face. He started spouting out some bullshit like, "We got rotc in the morning and I don't want to deal with it."

Now I'm thinking just because you're in the fucking rotc you're exempt from the house rules. "Don't you tell me what I can and can't do in my own FUCKING HOUSE...DRAW ON HIS FUCKING FACE."

Then this asshole tells me again that no one is allowed to draw on his face and then tells me that he was going to take Pukey McPassout out of here as if that was supposed to make me feel bad for yelling at them.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE." I yelled this at him about 3 times before he finally dropped down and picked that poor bastard up off the floor and soon those two were gone.

Nothing makes you feel more powerful then when you yell at someone to do something and they actually do it. The best part is that the guy I kicked out bought a shit load of beer because the keg ran dry. So now I'm minus one asshole but plus a bunch of beer. In the end everyone wins.

This is addiction.

2006-11-04T23:08:00.000-06:00

Might as well drag your desktop 500 miles north so you can feed your internet addiction right? I'll be posting some pretty horrible photos in the coming days. I'll be backdating the posts and just linking to the post on the right of the page to spare people the gore. Wish me luck with my killing.

The White Noise Helps me Fall Asleep

2006-11-01T10:05:00.000-06:00

I keep my bathroom like a steam oven

This is not a test

2006-11-01T08:03:00.000-06:00

Confess-Oke

The -oke wherein you confess one deep dark secret that you never wanted anyone to know but the people who read this blog.... because why keep things secrets when you can let them out and make more room for things you enjoy.

All Confess-Oke's will use the following Catholic Confession/Molestation Box format.. for kicks~

Forgive me father for I have sinned.

What is it my child, release unto my rectory.

[insert confession here, without lengthy explanation]

I will start the first one... inquire within.

Building a Better Bubo. Halloween, the conclusion

2006-10-31T23:44:00.000-06:00

I decided to remodel my plague tumor, because while it does look like it should according to the pic below, it just wasn't gross enough

Halloween costume at work, part 2. This time I decided to make the plague bubo look more like it's ripe and ready to burst. I did more of a hemorrhage-type look with purples and blacks and specks of blood, instead of a lighter colored pus-filled sac. Curiously enough both my makeup effects seem to match up with the few photographs of a plague bubo that I have seen.

I couldn't possibly capture the full horror of having/seeing one of these

And after all that, I can retire the face putty, put up the plague mask, hang the robe up, and find something else to do with the stick. Midnight is approaching. Before All Hallows Eve ends I should make my way to the cemetery, or at least pop in a DVD (Nekromantik?)

You've served me well

Also, special thanks to the following books(I swear there was a 6th book but I can't remember what it was called):

The Black Death, by Philip Ziegler
The Great Mortality : An Intimate History of the Black Death, the Most Devastating Plague of All Time, by John Kelly
In the Wake of the Plague: The Black Death and the World It Made, by Norman Cantor
Plague: The Mysterious Past and Terrifying Future of the World's Most Dangerous Disease, by Wendy Orent
A Journal of the Plague Year, by Daniel DeFoe

And special thanks to these websites

And a thanks to these merchants

Halloween Express
Uke's Harley-Davidson
Hobby Lobby
Wal-Mart
The Home Depot

And special thanks to these composers, whose requiems were the soundtrack to my plague research and costume construction

Hector Berlioz
Cristobal de Morales
Johannes Brahms
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

And of course, a very special thanks to the 80 or so million people whose deaths from plague helped to inspire me.
Happy Halloween everybody......

Ride the wings of pestilence

2006-10-29T23:14:00.000-06:00

This was taken a month before Halloween. The only difference now is that the stick is red

Halloweekend broken down into uninteresting detail:

Friday: Baked, cookies already posted. No one cares

Saturday: Went to hardcore show with Frank Jones. Had a blast elbowing emo kids. Was going to go to RHP at the oriental theatre(since I won a free ticket), but gave up on that idea.

Sunday: Halloween costume at work day. Finally everything I had prepared for had come to pass.

I decided to duplicate plague symptoms on my body as well. Note the telltale bubo of the plague and the bloody sputum that is characteristic of its deadly pneumonic form.

I definitely look out of place in the grocery store

Schilling for your thoughts

2006-10-29T03:36:00.000-06:00

Sitting at Schillings in downtown racine, 3 drinks for $11.00. Blessed
smokey atmosphere, eerily clean, middleaged holler. Matchgame, steven
black, and yours truly.

Can you do any less?

Because I can't practice true necromancy anymore

2006-10-28T01:06:00.000-05:00

Not since the Archibishop of Canterbury force-fed me the preserved finger of St. Anne....
The only army of skeletons I can raise must take the form of gingerbread cookies.

yay cheapo costumes

2006-10-27T17:23:00.000-05:00

This year I'm going as a bad boxer...but thats not all...hopefully sometime later tonight I'll become a drunken boxer. Its really two costumes in one YAY

o >.< O

This -oke was made for walkin'

2006-10-27T01:41:00.000-05:00

This boot thing just seemed to be a good theme. So I went with it. At $7.50 from the Army Surplus store, my boots don't hold a candle to Timmy's or Andy's in the cost range. But they fit great, and are perfect for what I use them for. I may not have to protect my feet from heavy machinery or tromp around burning forests, but these boots have served me well for such things as attending hobo funerals and kicking a girl in the face while crowd surfing. They also served me through 2 halloween costumes, and have been known to pass for dress shoes when the tops are covered and they are polished. Oh, and unlike Old Hickory's, my boots definitely put out.

Yes Bill, Worth More Than Your Life

2006-10-26T21:57:00.000-05:00

They cant fly me to the moon, end world hunger, or make your momma less ugly. You would think for their price that these babies would at least suck me off on occasion, but, regretfully, they have been playing hard to get. Good for kickin shit, kickin kittens, and, oh yeah, fighting fires in the god damned woods. They are a lady magnet and worth every last red cent.

cp, I owe you a coke.

2006-10-26T12:59:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the bitchin' mats~

Sweet Defeat in Victory

2006-10-26T11:26:00.000-05:00

As a famous poet said, Winter is the cruelest month. So much so that this is when many of us will start getting sick. My mother has advised me not to go to Victory Hospital--now Vista Health--if I get sick. She speaks with authority. She has worked there for 25 years. That's damn near a quarter-century!

What gets me is that people who have not known good hospital staff will think this the norm. Much like people who only eat genetically modified tomatoes will never know that a garden tomato is a helluvalot better. In 3 generations a tomato can become a cucumber and a hopsiptal can become an 8th circle.

After I finish this blog I'm going to finish her online application for Midwestern. She is 1 of the last pillars that Samson (poor management...is there any other) has brought down at that hospital.

The good nurses are gone. The waiting times for the ER are forever extended. I feel like a jerk that I didn't do more to help her organize with her coworkers to help save Waukegan's harbor for the poor hudled masses. Oh well, like in Victory, you win some and you lose some.

Chu Chu

2006-10-24T21:47:00.000-05:00

this little fucker was camped out inside my jacket sleeve. we gave him some beer and he seemed to like it so we decided to call it Bud.

House Cleaning

2006-10-24T21:31:00.000-05:00

Anyone who doesn't comment on this post in the next week is getting the boot.

Dual Monitors Everywhere!

2006-10-24T10:18:00.000-05:00

I was granted dual monitors at work. It's just like being at home!!
Back to work!

What keeps me warm

2006-10-24T00:38:00.000-05:00

There's only one thing that can keep me warm at night and that's thinking of you buddy ;)

What keeps me warm at night?

2006-10-23T23:48:00.000-05:00

The skull bedding is expected, I guess. The knife symbolizes one other thing that keeps me warm at night: thoughts of revenge.
You may ask, "Revenge for what?"
Well, as Doc Holiday put it in Tombstone: "Bein' born, I guess."

$10 Kicks.

2006-10-23T21:59:00.000-05:00

These amazing shoes were only $10. Can you believe it?

Guess the Good Eats

2006-10-23T12:02:00.000-05:00

It has reached as high on the evolutionary ladder as the cock-a-roach

In the 1600s, servants in Maine went on strike demanding that they not be fed it more than thrice a week

It is not terrestrially inclined

Red _______

(And it's all on me)

What keeps me warm.

2006-10-22T23:28:00.000-05:00

Another reason for this post is to complain about seasonal soda. I've admitted several times that I am a complete soda addict. I was expecting some mountain dew pitch black this Halloween but I've been disappointed. The lack of pitch black got me reading about the history of mountain dew and I thought some of you might find it interesting. The coolest part for me is reading about mountain dew blue shock, which I think I vaguely remember trying at some point. That's it for now. Enjoy your next can, bottle or glass of hillbilly piss.

From France evec Love

2006-10-22T03:21:00.000-05:00

dear jason
yesteday afternoon 2 young studiants of newjersey tell me ,in the rue
saint
jean at nancy "can you tell us where there are typical french coffee,
i go with us to the"grand serieux" you know ,to taste good wine
after we go near my new appartment where are 3 typical bar
they tell me "thanks very much,here it is good life"!!!!"now we know
where
we can go "!!!
they make the study at the ecole nationale de geologie in nancy where
the
husband of simone is teacher!!!
bisous catherine

Lou will live forever

2006-10-21T22:30:00.000-05:00

not again >.<

2006-10-21T13:05:00.000-05:00

Don't really want to explain it right now but if any of you hear about someone that died recently that used to work at one of the Beach Park elementary school either as a teacher or a possibly lunch lady please let me know. If I'm right she should be between the age of 50-60

Trippin' over tombstones

2006-10-19T02:04:00.000-05:00

If you are bored with cemetery photography, well...tough shit I guess

Sunset Ridge was not as interesting as the other cemeteries I have been to so far. Too modern. Still, it was interesting at points. Follow in my footsteps with yet another slideshow!

CTRL + B (to blog)

2006-10-18T16:16:00.000-05:00

I am at work. I am bored. Our internal site is down for something or other. It's totally killing my productivity.

As I drove to work this morning I realized that it gets easier to flip people the bird the more often you do it. I'm not a big fan of offending other drivers with hand signals. I figure that my driving is offensive enough to get the point across. I often play out scenarios in my head for why people are driving the way they are at that particular moment. Most of the time I start thinking about this sort of thing on Route 12 about five minutes from work. This morning I spent about four minutes trapped behind a big white van and a blue mini van. When I finally pulled ahead of the minivan I shot the bird to the woman behind the wheel before cutting into her lane fairly aggressively. She did not notice because she was on the telephone and was reading the folded up newspaper on her steering wheel. As I passed the white van and looked over, the guy was yawning so hard his eyes were closed. I was amazed. I think the guy may have had the van on cruise while he slept.

On a side note, one of my bosses plays a game to see how fast he can get his car going on the way to work. His current record is 157mph.

A Private Viewing

2006-10-18T12:40:00.000-05:00

Come see the film that made even me feel queasy

As you may know, I downloaded the infamous horror film Nekromantik. Cp did as well. I went one step further and ordered the DVD, I was that impressed with it. Anyhow, I'm planning on having a viewing once it arrives. It would be next weekend; the 27,28, or 29th or something. If you wish to see images of necrophilia and a twisted tale of body-snatching, murder and suicide, RSV to the motherfucking P.

Nerd Graffiti

2006-10-17T14:01:00.000-05:00

This is the kind of graffiti I can expect from the technical building at gateway.Say what you will about my mother. I've been called gay before. But no nobody, NOBODY calls me a spawn camper!

St. Doomlazer's Church of Itchy Remorse

2006-10-16T21:37:00.000-05:00

Not pictured is the office building that is part of the deal

The church itself

The rectory

Some kind of multi-purpose hall

On the way to and from school I always pass by this piece of choice real estate. I think we should all get together and buy this place. Then start our own church. We have a blog, our own domain name, several webcams, soon-to-be t-shirts, why not a church? As L. Ron Hubbard once said, the real money is in religion.

Second Most Prized

2006-10-15T16:17:00.000-05:00

"Second most prized" is not a title that many would seek to have as their own. But given the history of this item, I don't consider it an insult.

I purchased this item from an older man at a swap meet. True to the tag, I laid out one dead washington to acquire it. It was almost an eerie moment. The box was closed when I approached his table. It appeared to be filled with garbage, more so than the other tables. I opened the box and examined the contents. When I closed the box the old man was standing directly across the table. I showed him the top, he nodded, I paid him his dollar and walked away. I purchased a genuine piece of insanity that day. It is still worth every penny.

DIction-Oke-Pedia

2006-10-14T23:37:00.000-05:00

Today I was mulling over the neologisms that have come up among the users of this blog. I decided to list a few, with definitions. Feel free to post more in the comments, or to reminisce on the origins/uses of some of these classics:

Hangley- Sleazy but not entirely bad. Used to describe something shady that you don't necessarily disapprove of, or may do yourself. Example- "Andy set his own bones instead of going to the doctor. That's pretty hangley." Originator- Justin/Ryan

Sote- Acronym of scum of the earth. Used to refer to someone who fits in that category. Example- "I don't wanna go there. That place is crawling with sotes late at night." Originator-Ryan
Shangry- Really angry. Example- "When I found out nobody else was coming over tonight I was shangry. I had already bought the booze." Originator- Kurt/Justin
Avian Spirits- Any liquor, especially whiskey, that has a bird as its logo. Example- "I have a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 and Justin has some Old Crow. I guess we just like avian spirits." Originator- Andy
Obo- A suffix used to indicate association with hobos, i.e. "Crobo" is a hobo with a crowbar, and "Spobo" is the deadly hobo spider. Example- "I need a cheap blowjob. Where's a blobo when you need one?" Originator- Brandon
Hate-hole- An orifice through which one receives hate. Example- "My hate-hole feels sore after listening to that Klan rally." Originator- Ryan
Hickman's Brick- An expression indicating that something is good, but not the best. Second place or second-rate. Example- "I thought I was doing great, but once she got a good luck at my buddy I was Hickman's Brick the rest of the night." Originator- Jason/Ryan

Death is too good for them

2006-10-14T19:37:00.000-05:00

I love a good revenge film. Who doesn't? So after a long time of talking about doing it I finally sat down to watch The Count of Monte Cristo. As my hangover faded and I got into the movie I realized how awesome it was. My brother(and everyone else who told me) was right.
I think all of you besides me have seen it, so no need to mention plot details. I can't help but admire the protagonist. His revenge was so complete and so calculated. It left me feeling really good after watching it.
So if I wasn't the only one who hadn't seen it til today, I urge you to rent, buy or steal this movie. This movie definitely is now at the top of my favorite revenge movies. Anyone can slaughter their foes, but to ruin them completely without laying a hand on them, that takes skill. Now I need to find a copy of the book. Anyone feeling lendy?

americans in paris-- grave lovin'

2006-10-14T03:11:00.000-05:00

jason in front of oscar wilde's grave...

awesome sea-farer-esque grave...

and a final view...

this graveyard, the Père Lachaise cemetery, was like a red carpet of death, The graveyard of graveyards... containing graves of many famous folks. the aforementioned oscar wilde, jim morrison, chopin, abelard and heloise-- and many others. many of these graves were actually relocated and imported to make this graveyard more of an attraction. it is the ultimate cocktail party of death.

The Boy with the Mouse on His Shoulder

2006-10-14T02:49:00.000-05:00

For the 20 or there about years I have lived in my house, my family and I seem to have had some kind of communicated peace with the mice who inhabit the ceiling of my basement. We stopped trying to kill them with our final solution of chemicals of every design shortly after moving in and they promised to stay out of sight, although the pitter patter of scurrying feet still persists. I thought their persistance to live here was a beautiful refusal of our eviction notice...so long as they stay out of sight. The deal seems disturbingly human in character.

Surely the mice who lived in our house before my family took up residence here have died. Generations must have come and gone; new lodgers checking in and out. Even after the drop ceiling was fully replaced, we never saw a dead mouse. Their droppings, sure, but nothing that resembles a nest or home. We didn't find a plastic wheel that they seem so found of. I wondered if they came and went in and out at their own choice somehow through a leak in the house. Now I believe their commerce and exchange with the outside world was cut off long ago. But life went on. How they lived and reproduced and survived being cut off from nature is beyond Hickman's Brick. It's a vexing mystery to me, but I think that through consideration of the word "survived," that I have come closs to solving what I think about only when I hear the feet, which, according to my father, betrays our deal of co-existence.

Ten years ago I remember catches glimpses of mice tails as one of my co-inhabitants would run across the panel of our ceiling lights. White tail, white mouse, white lightning. Nothing was complicated about a white mouse. To hear a solitary rodent for a brief second or two never roused much response from me. Yesterday, though, after years and years of mouse-human peace, I spent a face to mouse face commercial break length of time with what I can only assume is still "mouse." (Survived?)

I walked down into the basement in the dark and saw on the floor what I thought was a curled up Maple leaf. Turning on the 40 Watt lamp, positioned from behind--the angle which I prefer to view the world--and I could see that this was not foliage.

"So we meet at last," I might well have said, although I don't think the "mouse" would have thought my comment amusing. The animal on the floor was stocky like a frog, brown and white and had a tail. It didn't move. The terrain was foreign to it, having living all life between my basement and kitchen. It seemed desperate, yet brave. It stood its ground, as if entitled to it.

Standing over this tiny and silent "mouse," I was given an impromptu lecture in divergent evolution. For moments I only looked at it. I had no idea what types of movements this animal was capable of making. I had never seen such a creature. I had compassion for it. I thought that it must have fallen from the ceiling. I don't know if I was charmed or if merely my sense was aroused, but because this, again, "mouse," didn't run off, I felt intimate in spending that last of the warm evenings with it.

One of us should have been talking, but we never said a thing, nor did we act upon one another. I took my clothes from off the pool table, killed the 40 Watt, and went back upstairs. I decided not to tell either parent--mother or father--about the supposed mouse I saw on the floor, and the "mouse" embassador hasn't revealed itself again, although I've looked.

Now when I hear the feet I nod greyfully. We have made our aquantance and have entered our third decade of human-mouse peace.

I love all my possessions but if I had to pick just one

2006-10-13T21:25:00.000-05:00

I guess it would be this one. I freak out so hard if I think I've lost it. It's just become a part of me.

Only the lonely will know how it feels to decay

2006-10-13T00:17:00.000-05:00

My new hobby is photographing cemeteries. I enjoyed these past 4 trips so much I am going to keep going until I have exhausted all the cemeteries within feasible driving distance from here. When I go on trips I will set aside time to visit the local cemetery. Anyway, now that I am done with green ridge it's a brief hiatus. Then it's off to sunset ridge. Why do they keep putting cemeteries on ridges? All it does is make the obelisks end up crooked.

Ricky ha ichiban motha fucka

2006-10-12T22:08:00.000-05:00

So you want to know how to say you want to do something in Japanese. It's fairly simple because its yet again another verb conjugation. Lets say you want to go somewhere....oh I don't know, let's say Japan. What you do is take the verb iku (to go) and put it in the long form drop the "masu" at the end and replace it with "tai"

iku --> ikitai

The "tai" form is the way to say you want to do something

日本に行きたい
nihon ni ikitai
(I) want to go to Japan.

For type 1 verbs change the "u" at the end into "itai" and for type 2 verbs drop the "ru" and add just "tai"...for irregulars "suru" becomes "shitai" and "kuru" become "kitai"

If you want to say you want a particular object and not just an activity a whole different structure is used. "hoshii" is the adjective meaning (I) want (something). The object of desire is usally followed by the particle "ga".

彼女がほしいです。
kanojo ga hoshii desu
I want a girlfriend

Use this pattern when saying you want something:
（私は）X　が　ほしい
(watashi ha) X ga hoshii
(I) want X

another useful phrase:
君がほしい
kimi ga hoshii
(I) want you ;) *wink*

Most prized possession.

2006-10-11T20:46:00.000-05:00

It's embarassing to admit, but I lost it. I'll post a photo when I do find it.

Prized Possession Photoke

2006-10-11T11:25:00.000-05:00

For the time being these two items are my prized possessions. The webcam because its a lot of fun and the book because not since the Stone age have I been interested in physics (can't get enough of that force=mass*acceleration). I bought the book after watching the guys lecture on youtube: physics of superheroes

mis daños de la rodilla

2006-10-11T10:12:00.000-05:00

¿qué?

My knee hurts, stemming from a workplace injury. I've been in physical therapy twice a week for a couple weeks now. There's no disgrace in a verile young male doing stretches next to some of the very same people the Statue of Lieberty advertises to. 187 pounds of cast iron struck me two fingers north of my knee.

Everyone there talks to, and assumes to know and comingle well with others. But it might as well be a group of immigrants at a cocktail party. I mean, everything is broken (bones, ligiments, etc), especially the line of communication. I have a hell of a time being chatty with one of the regulars. She's a grandmother and gymnist--mind you, I have a grandmother and took gym class--but when her and I are trying to shoot the shit, we misfire.

** *** **

I went for a haircut yesterday after a year and a half of home cuts, and misfired with the dresser. So poor was I off target, that I think she fucked up my sideburns on purpose and sent me off before I noticed. I'm keeping my unevened burns as a reminder that maybe not everyone likes to be hassled and joshed around by some guy who they just met.

** *** **

I bend next to an ecletic group of the strained, popped or pulled. Since the majority there are there due to an accident at work, I fell the slogan, "An Injury to One is an Injury to All," all the more.

Cemetery Drive Part 2

2006-10-11T04:08:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite cemetery photograph I have taken.
Wanna see more? click the links below

I got all the photos of my first cemetery trip uploaded, and the photos of the first half of my second trip.
Have some morbid fun with these!

The St. George's trip in its entirety
http://flickr.com/photos/gntlmnjackass/sets/72157594316005367/show/

The trip to Green Ridge, all the photos I could get in just an hour. It's a huge place. More to come on this one
http://flickr.com/photos/gntlmnjackass/sets/72157594322721788/show/

I made my bed, now I get to bleed in it (or what Halloween means to me)

2006-10-10T01:37:00.000-05:00

****WARNING!! EMO POST AHEAD!****

October is a month of mixed emotions for me. It has played host to great joys in the past, and great losses. Autumn is a season whose beauty I admire, but whose cruelty to my emotions is just as great. Usually just as Autumn starts, I am well on the path to hitting rock bottom. One blow after another comes, and just when I wish I could die and fall from the tree like all the rotten leaves, Halloween appears. I dress up and feel happy for a day. I go on living my complacent life. What will happen to me if I stop loving Halloween? I need Halloween to save me from the denoument of my yearly self-destruction(what I really need is to break the cycle, but I don't have the means to do so.) Maybe it's not such a bad thing anyway. After all, I am guaranteed at least one good day out of the year. And even If it's the only one, that's still one better than some people.
I'm waiting for my one good day. And with each day that passes between today and that day, I need it more. I have been looking forward to it for so long now. I have been ready for it for over a month already.
I had a couple of good poems inspired by October that I was going to add, but I don't feel like putting things I write on this blog.

HEWKALOID

2006-10-09T00:18:00.000-05:00

This is what you get when you play a cruel joke on your friends BILL! THIS IS WHAT YOU GET!!!

Trailer Park Drizama

2006-10-08T14:57:00.000-05:00

Tom ate Andy's Taco. Apparently, Tom has the inability to stop doing "Things" like this, which lead to a good ole fashion trailer park shit fit. Doors proceeded to slam, yelling was abundant, and dare I say that Tom may have actually cried. Did I fail as of yet to reveal that the processions aforementioned took place well after two in the morning? Intoxication may have been the motive, but I'm with Tom on this one. Tacos can be mighty tasty.

DA FEET

2006-10-07T19:01:00.000-05:00

After a week of trying to go without using these bad boys for a day I've decided it's never going to happen. The challange lay before you all... any takers?

do i get a late grade for my photoke assignment?

2006-10-07T17:17:00.000-05:00

these are big parts of my daily necessities...

Turn out the lights, and I glow

2006-10-07T13:10:00.000-05:00

9 months after the great New York black out and delivery rooms sounded like microwaving popping-corn. Thursday night, the power went out at my place. My mother and I had to light candles and listen to the phonograph. I cranked the handle whilst she worried about defrosting. I knew if the power stayed off for long, that my father would have bitched at me for not letting him cook our 2 "nice" catfish last weekend.

I asked my mother if plumbing still works when the electricity goes out. I had said perhaps we should hedge our bets and buy a gas powered turlett. She then made some flatulant comment. I thought maybe I would only have 1 flush with no refill; that I would have to do any 2nd business in the other bathroom. Good news, indoor plumbing still works when ComEd drops the ball so that you, too, can drop your ball. She also told me the phones works. I thought, worse case scenario, I would have to power the phones with the turlett.

My mother and I were really feeling the evening. It's different when certain convenances are stripped from you. It's everything I love about my porch but indoors. The conversation is more democratic and pleasant and thought-out. There's no place to hide. People pack themselves survival kits for many reasons. Maybe a flare, which is useless on the 4th of July. Just add water space food, which is a safe bet because he plumbing still works. In mine I'm putting a condom, becuase in the right angle of the flame, mom is a hottie.

Yes, I pooped by the flicker of the candle.

Cemetery Drive

2006-10-07T08:07:00.000-05:00

Boredom and a desire to photograph Kenosha's cemeteries produced this:
http://flickr.com/photos/gntlmnjackass/sets/72157594316005367/show/

It's a photo tour of St. George's. More pics to come, my free account has an upload limit so the last 8 or so pics had to wait.

The sony DSC-W50 appears courtesy of Andy.

That is all. Thank you.

Nailbiting and Nosepicking

2006-10-07T00:45:00.000-05:00

Move over, Butch and Sundance!

2006-10-06T23:01:00.000-05:00

There's a new hole in the wall gang in town
You may well ask, where are the two images in between, the numbers are out of order? Well, those two images looked so good together I knew what I had to do: Animated GIF.

Cone Head

2006-10-06T19:42:00.000-05:00

That's my doggy, Dionysus (the rescue group named him). I've had him since the end of June and have only just recently gotton off my ass to put the pictures on the computer. My bad. He's wearing a cone because he licks his but too much. Yeah most dogs do it, but he slurps it. Sometimes it's so loud I can't sleep. And then his breath smells like ass. And he farts all the time. And his butt spray was spendy. But he's getting better. And the other picture is my new hair. I felt like doing something different. I'm also sorry I don't blog as much as I should because I have way to much time. All I do at work is read the internet. I just want to thank all of you who post for giving me something to look forward to before I bash my head against the wall. I love you.

National Geographic

2006-10-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

The horrors of earthly existence(part 4 of a series)

2006-10-05T08:43:00.000-05:00

Another tiny terror, this cute little thing is the australian paralysis tick. In terms of dangerous fauna, Australia boasts the highest number of terrors per capita.
Think of it: an innocent little tick bite, a mere annoyance, develops into something worse. Your lower limbs feel weak at first. You might not even think anything is wrong. Maybe you are just tired from that hike you took. Soon it develops further. You can barely move your legs at all. If you let it go untreated it can cause paralysis in your respiratory system and death.
The scariest thing I found when researching material on this terror is that paralysis is not caused by the australian tick alone. Several american tick species are capable of causing paralysis.
And you thought all you had to worry about from ticks was lyme disease.

Disqualified

2006-10-04T20:08:00.000-05:00

(EDITED by cp) This photo was stolen from the web and does not count. do not pass go, do not collect 200 doomlazers.